“These are the terms, now what is the invitation?”

When the uncertainty and unmet expectations of these times crowd my mind – I remind myself to channel my inner Elizabeth Gilbert – who has taught me while that in circumstances I can’t control, what I do get to choose is how I react.

It’s been two months since the world stood still. As we slowly begin to dust the cobwebs from our doorknobs and tip toe back into normalcy, I don’t want to rush out of shelter-in-place without recognizing what I’ve learned – and what I want to bring with me moving forward. When , I knew this would be a powerful opportunity of learning and growing, if I chose to welcome it. But – as the days have blended together and I’ve settled into the rhythms of shelter in place, I don’t want to neglect the treasurers hidden within our unexpected spring.

Although my extroverted-extrovert busy body energy would surely not choose for the world to be this way, . A greater appreciation for alone time, settling into a rhythm of taking life one day at a time, even one moment at a time.

For me, this pause has been dance parties in the kitchen and plenty of time for poetry and phone calls to the people I don’t

The COVID-19 pandemic flipped my final months here in SLO upside down, and my hope is to not to let my journey through these four years be defined by the way they are ending. I realize the boat I’m in is comfortable with privilege and back-up plans, but these are still undeniably uncharted waters. One thing is for sure: this is not how I anticipated to feel in my final weeks of college.

Here is where these are the same emotions I’ve turned into my fuel all year, as nothing about senior year has been the way I expected.

This has been a year of unexpected change, loneliness, and continually rising up, dusting myself off and choosing to love myself and others when it is hard. But, in those shadows have come an openness to change, a stronger sense of who I am and who I want to be, and a deeper understanding of the power of grace. And if there’s anything I regret, it’s that I spent so much of this year wishing things were different instead of welcoming change with gratitude and taking pride in my resilience. Often times – I found what I was looking for was right in from of me.

And now, I can thank loneliness for teaching me the worth of community and connection. I can thank anxiety and dissatisfaction for never allowing me to settle for indifference. I can thank pain for empathy.

My hope is to honor that for my last month in this sweet town – and although this isn’t how I would have chosen for college to end, I will cling to the silver linings with everything I have in me. I’m hoping to spend the next month balancing soaking in the last four years with reflecting on everything I’ve learned and what I can carry with me moving forward.