In my distress, I called out to the Lord and He answered me. -Jonah 2:2
God doesn’t always give us the answer we want to hear. It’s taken me a long time to learn that. I might not always fully understand His plan.
Why does God cause heartbreak? Am I foolish to feel joy and peace and wholeness in the presence of the same God that allows me to feel lost and broken and alone?
I’ve been trying to control my life for far, far too long. And what I have come to realize is that I’ll never be able to do it on my own. No matter how many people I confide in, no matter how much focus I put on “improving,” my heart will not be fully at peace until I completely give what has been on my heart to God.
I am at a great need to practice what I preach. Continually telling myself, “God’s got this” or “lay it down” is meaningless if I continue to trade trust for fear day after day. Maybe, the problem with my storm is that I’m trying to direct it myself. I’ve been trying to fight the wind on my own rather than just put up my savior’s sails. Maybe, I’ve been fighting trusting where those sails will take me for far too long. Day after day, I continue to dig up in doubt what I’ve planted in faith.
Sometimes, God chooses to calm the storm. Sometimes, He chooses to let the storm rage and calms His child. And I guess what I’ve figured out is that this storm will continue to rage until I come home to God. Until my prayers become wholehearted – not a routine, but a promise. Until trust isn’t a safety net, but a foundation. Until Jesus isn’t a crutch, but a cornerstone.